I don't know if it's Monday's or the pull from the mega energy that that moon of ours throws around, but what ever you believe, both had me crushed yesterday. I surrounded myself with support, some good uplifting toons suggested by this article, Will This Soundtrack Help Freelancers Manage Their Time Better?, and tried not to beat myself up to much. Tuesday, today, the actual full moon date has got me back into the hustle mode instead of struggle mode. So it goes.
"Struggle mode" was induced by my need to push past some fears around being my truest, best self.
We never know when your inner demons, the patterns, the stories we tell ourselves, will surface and advocate for us to change. For me, it was yesterday (and everyday, since I'm always inviting them to go ahead and TRY ME.) But some days I can rise to the call and sometimes I fall under. BOTH ARE OK. But, I have to be honest....
The biggest reason I encourage others to let their inner artist and their creative truth shine so much is because that is my greatest struggle too.
[After all, we are all mirrors of one another...]
I am so proud of myself and how hard I have worked since I've moved to Denver. No, scratch that. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING. I have learned so much in my life and I am proud of all of that. EVEN THE MISTAKES. I am so grateful for who I am, and who I get to be in this life. [ I HOPE YOU FEEL THIS TOO; WE CAN ALL BE THE BEST AT THE SAME TIME.]
I was chatting with a colleague and friend yesterday, in the midst of "the struggle," who got right to the heart of it. After speaking with her, breaking down some barriers, seeing the situation for what it is, I sat down with myself. I let myself be there in the emotion as best as I could. And a very angry inner artist came up.. yelling, loud! Upset that I have the nerve to doubt her beautiful messiness! How dare I deny her legitimacy! I made amends. I said sorry, I'm doing my best, and I forgave myself. And she calmed down. We all struggle with balance, life is never a prefect balance of all the things, it's always in flux.
So, today, I embrace who I am. and I keep working toward those goals. The thing is, even through tears, I was working on documents to promote my work yesterday, I still got stuff done. Because the emotional stuff is stuff we have to deal with too. It's not all work, I am sorry to tell you.
Even through the fear, I know, in my heart, that this is my path.
Realizing we don't need to suffer; the chains are self imposed. There is no lock on the chains holding your hands behind you, there is nothing other than my own fear holding back my creative flow! Feel yourself free yourself....
After sitting with my emotions for about 10 minuets, I fell asleep for 20, and felt so much better. Then, I got done what I could, and I went to OULA and danced it out.
***Have you heard me talk about OULA yet?
Oh! Lucky you!! Here you go!!! >>>----> If you are into dancing and/or need something to get you moving, PLEASE, check out OULA.
IT'S [one of] THE BEST THING[s] THAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY LIFE.
I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IT'S DANCING YOUR HEART OUT WITH OTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMEN AND IT'S A GREAT WORKOUT.
*Yes it's kinda like zumba but it's better-there I said it, bring it haters.*
*but let me be clear that zumba is awesome too, but Oula fits a hole in my life better. <3 YOU DO YOU. <3
Ok. Done ranting about this beautiful thing in my life. :) ***
Seriously though, what do you do to honor your heart?
[Oula & Ukulele are that for me, among other things.]
What do you deny yourself because of fear?
Do you go to the beach when you need to check out? (I dream about the beach... it's a part of my heart... hard for an ocean girl in a landlocked state. No complaints though. Denver kicks ass.) Do you doodle when you need to clear your head? Do you secretly want to buy a tuba and play so loud your neighbors worry? [DO IT. I DARE YOU.] Do you want to make a giant dream catcher? Do you want to run 1,000 miles in a year? Want to wear ridiculous outfits for the sheer fun of it? Paint faces for a living? Be a lawyer? Build a sandcastle? With good intentions, all these things are beautiful.
Go do stuff that seems interesting to you, stuff that speaks to you, even a little. FEAR IS THE ONLY THING HOLDING US BACK. Follow your heart, and as we learned last week from this post, follow your curiosity - don't put too much pressure on yourself to ALREADY HAVE IT ALL DONE or PERFECT or to ALREADY KNOW YOUR PASSION. It's ok. It's all part of the process.
I only have some ideas about my passion, I just keep curious.
<3 all the love.
1. LUNASCAPE PHOTOGRAPHY - www.lunascape.com/